Comedic Colonic or "Dicktation" by Sophie Sansregret

I am so pleased to be invited to your blog today, Mary. Which author can refuse an opportunity to talk about oneself or one's work or any other topic which pleases? Of course, being the good narcissist that I am, I would prefer to talk about myself. But as I have a regular psychoanalyst, perhaps I will spare everyone this week.

I was trying to think of a new way to post excerpts and write a guest blog rather than my usual blah blah this is me and here’s an excerpt. I thought I would write a bit about my process (how original too) but as it pertains to the fact that I dictate and can no longer “write” until I get some nerve damage fixed on my hands.

I wish there were a genre for comedic erotica. Insofar as I dictate all that I write, due to my having serious bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome, comedy comes with the territory. And by that I mean that when I dictated comedic erotica just now, my software came back with "comedic colonic". Although that too may possibly have a charm. Who am I to sneer at those sexually enjoying a good purge?

As one usually does in a guest posting, I have included an excerpt or two. Today, I have decided to use the novella The Coach House, which my husband continually refers to as "The Cooch House" but my voice recognition software always transcribes as “The True Chess”.

The Coach House

Let me situate this a bit first. Female protagonist, Carys, is somewhat sexually inexperienced. She is living with her boyfriend/fiancé, the otherwise ok but dullish game-addicted Steve (and whoops, he’s a phagein which is like a zombie but with a Greek-based name), but they do not enjoy regular sex life. She has these dreams, or so she thinks, of a gorgeous man, later whom we come to know as the vampire Daniil (yeah, zombies and vampires. I’m so trite. Sorry but I LIKE zombies and vampires), making love to her at night. Whereas before she felt herself shy and sexually insecure, now she has decided that since these are lucid dreams, there is really no reason for her to feel so awkward and unsure of what to do when alone with a naked gorgeous man sporting a raging hard on. Oh, and there’s a time portal involved. And a cat. How could you not love this story? The steamy sex helps.

The Coach House Excerpt: The Finished Version

She reached for his cock again and with a boldness she had never before experienced, she pulled him toward her. She made a few tentative licks on the head of his shaft before taking him into her mouth as best she could. He was enormous. And for the first time ever she felt she knew what to do. Her sexual instinct overcame her and she no longer felt awkward. She licked his shaft and reached to pull his hand to feel her, showing him where to massage her. She could feel herself growing close.

“Not now,” the stranger whispered as he retracted his hand, his voice husky with desire. “Another time.” He pushed her gently back into the cushions and pulled her hands gently to rest above her head. His large hand held them there as his other parted her legs and took hold of his cock, placing it again at her entrance. At first he did not enter her but massaged the tip of his cock against her wet, throbbing pussy until she thought she would scream. He revelled in her exquisite wetness on his cock. “Now!” she urged.

“Open your beautiful eyes,” he replied. “I want to see you as I enter.”

The True Chess: The Dictated Version

She reached for his car again and with a blindness she had never before experienced, she pulled it ruler. She made a few tentative licks on the head of the shift before taking him into her month as best she culled. He was he normal. And for the first time heaving she filled she knew what to do. Her sexual instinct overcame her and she no longer felt all squared. She licked his shop and reached up was handed to feel her, showing him where to massage her. She could feel herself growing clothes.

"Not now," the stranger whispered as he retracted his hand, his voice husky with the squire. "Another time." He pushed her gently back into the coffins and pulled her hands gently to rest above her head is large hand held them there is this other parted her lakes and took hold of his cock, placing it again at the ant tracks. At first he did not enter her but messaged the tip of his crop against her wet, throbbing pussy until she bought she would scream. He reveled in her exquisite wetness on his cock. "Now!" She urged.

"Open your beautiful ass," he replied. "I want to see you as I science tar."

For the record, I have long since updated the software. It is only for my personal amusement that I now keep a legacy version of the software on my old computer.

Having reviewed all this for today's blog, I'm sad to note that neither I nor my editor caught the fact that I used the word gently twice in one sentence. That is probably my greatest writing error: using the same word twice in a sentence.

The Fire

I had similar fun with The Fire, which I wrote at the same time as I wrote The Coach House. The Fire was supposed to be a Choose Your Own Sex Adventure book. I had always enjoyed the Choose Your Own Adventure books when I was a kid summer camp, and I thought it would be fun to write an erotic novel in the same vein. Alas, the logistics of it all were too much for me, being massively pregnant at the time. I decided to finish one version of the story as a novella, and revisit the Choose Your Own Sex Adventure concepts at a later point in time, like maybe next week.

The quick breakdown of the story here is that Lady Katherine has been kidnapped by evil Sir Edwin. It's the usual Elizabethan trope: she has money and he wants it. He figures that by deflowering her and shaming the family that he will be able to marry her and have her fortune, etc. etc. ad infinitum. His faithful assistant, or so he thinks, is Serafina. Serafina is actually a vampire and hates Sir Edwin tremendously. For what it's worth, Sir Edwin gets punished in the end for being an evil scumbag in general, and a rapist in specific.

It is well documented by now that there is a huge trend in male on male erotica these days. Sometimes I like to buck the trend and put a little female-female. I was told by one publisher that if I changed the woman-on-woman scene to a man-on-man I would have a better chance of publishing but I just couldn't get my head around such a huge revision to the story. Maybe that’s best left for the Choose Your Own Sex Adventure.

The Fire Excerpt – Finished Version

Serafina began to paddle Katherine’s buttocks quickly while alternately massaging and pinching one nipple, then the other. Katherine began to moan. Despite the sharp bursts of pain, the lust was in full force. She could feel herself grow wet again. As though reading her mind, Serafina stopped to kneel behind Katherine and lap at her womanhood. “I see you are not injured,” she murmured. She inserted a long finger inside and cupped Katherine’s mound, massaging it as she administered a few more slaps of the paddle. “Oh yes Katherine, that’s my good girl,” she said. “Are you ready for something more? I think you are.” Serafina laid the paddle down and picked up the black dildo, affixing it to the front of her leather pants by means of several rings. Katherine, not knowing what Serafina was up to behind her, shivered in anticipation, excitement coursing through her veins. Although she was revolted by Sir Edwin, she found Serafina’s touch intoxicating. Serafina reached for a bottle of oil and quickly greased the cock up. Serafina watched, amused, as Sir Edwin’s lust grew. She climbed atop the bed and knelt in front of Katherine, allowing her to see what was in store for her.

The Fire Excerpt – Dictated Version

Serafina began to paddle But it's quickly while alternating massaging and pinching my nipples than the mother. Katherine began to moan. This by the sharp bursts of pain, the lust was in full force. She could feel herself grow it when. As though reading her mind, Serafina stopped to kneel behind Katherine and laughed at her womanhood. “When I see you are not injured," she mowed her. She inserted a long finger inside and cupped Katherine's mound, massaging it she administered a few more slaps the paddle. "Oh yes Katherine, that's my good girl," she said. "Be ready for something more? I think you are." Serafina laid the puddle town and picked up the black dill go, affixing it to the front of her lithe pants by means of several things. Katherine, not knowing what Serafina was up to behind her, shivered in Auntie sip patients, excitement coursing through your veins. Although she was revolted by Sir Edwin, she found Serafina's touch in socks grating. Serafina reached for a bottle of oil and quickly greased the cock up. Serafina watched, and used, Mr. Edwards lust grew. She climbed atop the bed annulled in front of Katherine, allowing her to see what was history for her.

I hope these excerpts amused and possibly titillated. I have a lot of fun writing with voice recognition although sadly, the new version is pretty good and my amusements must be found elsewhere. Perhaps the Choose Your Own…. Series.

Thank you so very much for having me over for a virtual cuppa, Mary! Looking forward to your visit on my blog on September 8, 2012.